Posted by: braddenvillage | November 27, 2010

November Humour – Christmas

Christmas Humour

When the kindergarten student playing Joseph in the Christmas school concert forgot his lines, I prompted him. “You’ve travelled a very long way, Joseph, and you’re hot and tired. What do you think you’d say to the inn-keeper?”

Joseph brightened up, wiped his brow and said, “Boy, do I need a drink!”

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My niece Hilary was an elementary-school teacher and produced the Christmas play one year. She told her students that if they forgot their lines they should ad-lib instead of just standing there. All went well until the three Wise Men made their entrance: “Baby Jesus, here is your gold,” said the first.

“Baby Jesus, here is your frankincense,” offered the second.

The third Wise Man forgot the name of his gift and froze. “Say anything,” whispered Hilary from the wings.

The boy peered into the manger and exclaimed, “Ooh, doesn’t he look just like his dad!”

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My friend had been promoted and transferred to another branch of the Calgary bank where she worked. Hoping her new staff would appreciate it, Sue decided to organize a Christmas party and arranged a meeting after the branch closed. She explained her plans and asked those who would come alone to raise one hand and those who would be accompanied to raise two. The police arrived within minutes.

A pedestrian walking by had seen the bank staff with their hands above their heads. Thinking a robbery was in progress, he had raced to a phone booth and dialed 9-1-1.

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Two weeks before Christmas my mother was searching for a “Precious Moments” ornament. After what seemed like hours we found a Hallmark store. Mom approached the sales clerk, who looked more like a linebacker than a cashier, and asked if they had any Precious Moments. “Aren’t we having one now?” he replied.

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Rose, my older sister, was often irritable and hot tempered as a teenager. Still, when at 19 she went to France for a year, I missed her greatly. While talking to her on the phone at Christmas, I started to cry, and she quickly comforted me by saying: “Don’t be sad. Just remember what I’m really like!”

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We spend most Christmases with my husband’s family, so my mother celebrates Christmas with us two weeks earlier. Once, after a wonderful day opening presents, eating turkey and seeing other family members, my mother handed me a present. “Please open this Christmas morning. I want you to have a gift to open from me,” she said. Even as a child, I’d never been able to wait to open a gift. With my mom’s present I really, really tried-but lasted two days. Finally I unwrapped it, lifted the lid of the box and read the note on top of the present: “What are you opening this for? It’s not Christmas yet!”

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