Posted by: braddenvillage | May 6, 2011

More Funny Stories – From Readers Digest

More Brilliantly Funny Stories from Readers Digest

On our wedding night, we booked into an attractive-looking motel. The receptionist told us all they had left was the Honeymoon Cottage – and we couldn’t resist telling him that was just what we were looking for.

Checking out the next morning, I told the receptionist that I had found the décor in our cottage particularly attractive.

“They’re all alike,” he informed us. “We call it the Honeymoon Cottage because the TV set is broken.”

J. Morrison 


I came across some well-worn and dusty encyclopaedias, treasured from my childhood, when clearing out a cupboard. Reluctant to throw them away, I put them on a shelf in the shed, where my grandchildren found them and spent many happy hours looking at the pictures.

Imagine my horror when, during afternoon tea with a local clergy-man, an infant voice piped up, “Grandpa, can we go down the garden and have a look at those dirty books you keep in the shed?”

George Cregeen 


In my work as an anaesthetist at a military hospital, I am continually amazed by the number of soldiers who become pale, sweaty and anxious when I approach them with a needle.

Recently a warrant officer was making more fuss than I’d expect in a children’s ward and had to be comforted – and restrained – by my nurse. Trying to distract him, she asked him what he did in the army.

Somewhat sheepishly, he replied, “Bomb disposal.”

Douglas Gow, Valley Heights, New South Wales


After my father-in-law passed away, we had to clear out his home. We discarded many items, but my husband decided to keep the lovely but very heavy antique dining-room set. Our teenage son helped us wrestle it onto our utility and put it in our dining room. “Just think,” I told him. “One day this will belong to you.”

Stricken, he said, “Oh no! You mean I’m going to have to move this thing again?”

Joyce Ashley


Steve, our son, was cutting his lawn with a powerful mower when it slid down an embankment, lopped off a large chunk of his tennis shoe and badly nicked the tip of his left toe.

A few days later, Steve was at home recuperating on the sofa when his brother-in-law phoned and told him he was on his way round with a couple of videos to help Steve pass the time.

Touched by this thoughtfulness, Steve asked his brother-in-law which videos he was bringing.

“The Lawnmower Man and My Left Foot,” came the reply.

Lynn Harshberger


Taking a midnight stroll, my boyfriend and I passed a playground and were tempted by the swings. We were swinging away when a ghostly figure appeared. It was a pyjama-clad man from a nearby house, holding a can in his hand. “If you don’t mind,” he said wearily, “I’d like to oil the swings.”

Charles Gallahan


With a cyclone bearing down on us, my husband and I rushed to get our two boys fed and bathed before we lost power. I was washing up as my husband was hurrying the kids into the bath when the lights went off.

Thinking the kids might be frightened, I quickly lit a candle and took it to the bathroom. The wind was howling – enough, I thought, to scare the wits out of any toddler. However, the only reaction from our eldest son, who had just turned two, was an excited scream: “Cake!”

Trudie Trewin, Kewarra Beach, Queensland


As we emerged into the brilliant sunshine after seeing the church in Cana, Galilee, an old, black-robed Arab woman sidled up to me. Another beggar, I thought. But the familiar whine was not forthcoming.

In a rolling Irish brogue she whispered, “God bless ye, m’darlin’, and have ye been into our lovely church, then? An’ where might ye be goin’ to now? Have ye been to Nazareth yet?”

I stared, dumb with astonishment, then recovered my voice. “In heaven’s name, what part of Ireland do you come from?”

“Ireland? An’ where’s that? I’ve not been further from here than Nazareth, where dear Sister Malachy taught me at the Mission School.”

Eileen Glancy


Most of the bridal party and guests at a wedding reception I attended were from musical societies, so it was fitting that the groom sang a romantic song to his bride, accompanying himself on the guitar. Handkerchiefs dabbed at moist eyes as many guests succumbed to the emotion of it all. Then, as the last notes died away, a loud voice called out, “Thank you. We’ll let you know.”

Daphne Tobin, Wellington, NZ


My aunt decided not to mention to her husband that it was her 40th wedding anniversary in the hope he would surprise her.

She was thrilled when my uncle entered the kitchen holding a plastic bag and asked her what the date was.

My aunt smiled and told him it was August 21.

“Oh, well,” he shrugged, “the milk is safe enough.”

Mary-Louise Stone


I like to think I can take care of basic maintenance problems around the house. Faced with a troublesome hair clog in a drain, I went to a hardware shop and found a bottle of dark drain cleaner adorned with a skull and crossbones and a safety warning.

There was nothing on the label to say it was safe to use on my PVC plumbing so I asked an assistant.

“Yes,” he replied with the start of a smile appearing in the corner of his mouth. “It’s in a plastic bottle, isn’t it?”

“Duh” was the word that came to mind as I quickly paid and left.

Brian Ellis


My colleague used to play in a brass band that performed in park bandstands. It was their policy to keep playing until every member of the audience had gone.

One wet afternoon, they played to a small group that gradually dwindled, except for one man who lingered. So the band played on. And on.

Eventually, the tuba player sidled over to the onlooker and politely asked him to leave so the band could go home.

“Actually,” said the man. “I was waiting for the music to finish so I could put the chairs away.”

Joy Bower



A friend of mine was impressed by the number of volumes housed in a small suburban public library.

Deciding to say something nice to the young lady seated behind the desk, he began cheerily,“My, you certainly are well-stacked, aren’t you?”

Joseph Albino


Travelling in France, I ordered lunch in French, relying on my translation dictionary. Seemingly impressed, the waiter smiled as he thumbed through a few pages of my book. Later, when I paid my bill, I motioned him to wait while I scanned my guide for a comment appropriate for the wonderful meal. He pointed to a French phrase. The translation: “Keep the change.”

Lisa Swanson


We had hosted a string of overseas visitors and in the course of showing them the local scene we’d eaten in cafés and restaurants rather more than usual. Just how much became clear when, with things back to normal, I cooked a Sunday roast and served it up to the family. Our seven-year-old looked at his plate and declared indignantly, “I didn’t order that!”

Paul Carney,Wentworth Falls, New South Wales


One rainy night, I stopped to pick up two hitch-hikers on a lonely road and was a little concerned when a third man appeared with an object in his hand. My fears were allayed by their story. After their vehicle ran out of fuel, they had got a lift to town, bought a can of petrol and were trudging back.

I drove them to their car amid effusive thanks, then proceeded feeling very much the Good Samaritan. Next morning, I found the can of petrol still on the back floor.

Iain Steven, Rotorua


Having been asked to stage and direct the play “Goldilocks” for a school parents’ evening, my wife sent out a frantic appeal for bear costumes. In no time at all one helpful parent supplied a cuddly brown baby-bear outfit, while the local scout group promised to complete the set by lending its two big-bear costumes. These outfits arrived just one day before the show – and unfortunately turned out to be polar bear suits.

Undeterred by the mismatch, the children played their parts with enthusiasm. However, when snowy-white Father Bear stood by his brown offspring and delivered the immortal line, “Who’s been sleeping in my bed?”, one parent called out, “He might well ask!”

E. Mitchelmore


As part of a scuba-diving course, a friend of mine had to locate the instructor on the murky ocean floor and “rescue” him. The instructor assured her that, like a panicking person, he would struggle.

After allowing her quarry a minute’s start, my friend found him, removed his air regulator, clasped him firmly and ascended slowly to the surface while giving him air from her regulator every second breath. True to his word, he kicked and fought strenuously – and revealed on pulling off his mask that he was a complete stranger.

Tracey Greenwood



Responses

  1. I have searching for funny jokes across the web and I have found this jokes here. I like the jokes here it is really funny and it is great.

  2. Funny Jokes…LOL’-‘


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