Posted by: braddenvillage | June 14, 2011

June Funnies – Thanks to the Readers Digest

June Funnies – Thanks to Readers Digest

Our search-and-rescue helicopter crew was aiding a stricken fishing vessel off the coast of British Columbia. It had lost steerage and was taking on water.

We hoisted a technician aboard the boat, and he immediately requested a portable pump. As it was being hoisted, however, it bounced off the boat, broke loose and fell into the ocean. Then the technician called for a rescue collar to evacuate the crew from the sinking vessel. It, too, fell into the water and was lost. At that, our aircraft commander looked back and asked, “Is there anything else you’d like to throw at them?”

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I arrived at the radar station in the Northwest Territories late at night for my presentation to the station commander the next morning. My bedroom cubicle was too small to lay my papers out so I went to the officers’ club. Since I was the only customer, I rehearsed my delivery using the casually attired bartender as an audience.

The next morning I reported to the station commander and started my speech. He cut me off with a wave. “The plan is approved, captain,” he said with a smile.

And then I recognized him. He was the bartender from the night before.

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My daughter usually dresses one of her four-year-old identical twin boys in red, the other in blue, so that it’s less confusing for their teacher and classmates to tell them apart. One evening, though, Niall, who usually wears red, asked his mom at bathtime, “Do you know who I am when I’m naked?”

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My husband was describing our upcoming holiday at a resort to our four children, aged two to six. It was at a place where the beds would be made, he told them, the meals would be cooked, and all the cleaning would be done for us. Our oldest looked puzzled. “Then what’s Mommy coming for?” he asked.

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Three of my husband’s female co-workers took a correspondence course with him, and they met weekly in our home. I’d get our young son, Will, off to bed, greet the three as they arrived, then leave with my daughter for a Brownie meeting.

After a couple of months I chanced to meet Will’s kindergarten teacher. She repeated to me what Will had announced in class: “Tonight’s the night my mom and sister go to Brownies and Dad has his girlfriends over.”

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I asked my Sunday-school class of four- to six-year-olds if they believed miracles really did happen. “I know they do,” answered one girl confidently.

“How do you know?” I asked.

“Because when I cleaned my room and my mom walked in, she said, ‘It’s a miracle!'”

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My five- and six-year-old children were opening their first savings accounts at the bank. After the teller filled out all the forms and the children printed their names at the bottom, he told them everything the accounts would do for them. Then he asked them if they had any questions. “Yes,” said my son. “When will I receive my credit card?”

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I took my three-year-old son, Adam, to the emergency room to have a garden pea extracted from each of his nostrils. When the doctor finally succeeded in removing them, he asked Adam, “Why did you put the peas in your nose?”

“Because,” Adam replied tearfully, “they kept falling out of my ears.”


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