Posted by: braddenvillage | December 1, 2011

Some more funny Readers Digest Stories – December 2011

Funny Stories – with thanks to Readers Digest

During military war games, an officer’s jeep got stuck in mud. Seeing some men under some trees nearby, he asked them to help him get the vehicle going.

“Sorry sir,” said one soldier, “But we’ve been classified dead, so we’re not allowed to take part in any way.”

The officer turned to his driver and said, “Go and drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction.”

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Here’s a tip:

Make sure your wife knows you’re talking to a cat under her chair begging for food before you say, “You know you’re already twice as fat as you should be.”

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As a human resources manager, I read lots of résumés. Inevitably, we get some applicants with skills no employer could pass up, such as:

• The young paramedic who “makes life-threatening decisions on a daily basis”.

• A childcare worker who can “overlook up to 35 children at one time”.

• An enterprising young woman who is “flexible enough to perform in all manner of positions if the situation gets desperate”.

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My friend was working at an amusement park when a couple stopped him. “Excuse me,” said the woman, pointing to a pond. “What is that water made out of?”

Bemused, my friend replied, “Two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen.”

“See?” she said to her boyfriend. “I told you it wasn’t real.”

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When my 15-year-old son, Pat, stepped up to the plate during a Colt League baseball game, the young announcer declared, “Now batting, the right fielder, number 12, Pathogen!” After some confusion in the stands, the announcer came back on over the loudspeaker. “Oh, I get it — Pat Hogan!”

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An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

“ ‘Here, boy,’ ” he replies.

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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face …

Enjoy…. and Happy Christmas!


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