Marriage/Romantic Funnies ? (February 2012)

Marriage/Romantic Funnies

With thanks to the Readers Digest as usual

 

My grandmother told me how she ended up marrying Grandpa. She was in her 20s, and the man she was dating left for war. “We were in love,” she recalled, “and wrote to each other every week. It was during that time that I discovered how wonderful your grandfather was.”

“Did you marry Grandpa when he came home from the war?” I asked.

“Oh, I didn’t marry the man who wrote the letters. Your grandfather was the mailman.”

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Q: How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Who cares? They never get the house anyway.

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Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office. A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.

When he saw me, he shouted, “Are those potato chips?”

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It may have been the most romantic statement ever uttered in our courthouse. In between hearings, a wedding was performed. As the newlyweds left the courtroom, the bride nestled up to the groom and cooed, “Isn’t it nice to be here when we’re not being convicted of something?”

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On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our six rambunctious children around. As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Joel finally had had enough.

“Kids,” he said over the din, “if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me.”

Our six-year-old shot back: “Too late, I already got you another present.”

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I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother.

“Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t.”

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While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husband’s help.

“The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is ‘tiresome sameness.’”

“Monogamy,” he answered

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“When I married Donna, I could get both hands around her waist,” said my husband’s grandfather. Pointing at his full-figured wife, he boasted, “Now look how much I got. That’s what I call an investment!”

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