Posted by: braddenvillage | December 15, 2012

Christmas 2012 Funnies – Thank you the Readers Digest!

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Christmas 2012 – Funnies – With thanks to Readers Digest

Look-a-Likes

My sister was busy getting ready to host our entire family for Easter. On her to-do list was a hair appointment for her daughter. “So, Katie,” said the stylist as the little girl got up in the chair, “who’s coming to your house this weekend with big ears and floppy feet?”

Katie replied, “I think it’s my uncle Brian.”

Honey, I’m Home

I arrived home from work to find all the windows and doors wide open. Apparently our puppy had had an accident.

“Yeah, it really stank,” my daughter told me. “In fact, when we first walked in, I thought you had come home early and were cooking dinner.”

The Little Man

A teenager waltzed into our jewelry store to buy a cross for her boyfriend. I showed her a selection, and she pointed to three: “Can I see that one, that one, and the one with the little man on it?”

“Oh,” I replied. “You mean Jesus?”

Meet and Greet

Spotted outside a church in Michigan: “Honk if you love Jesus. Keep on texting while you drive if you want to meet him.

G-E-T W-E-L-L S-O-O-N

Matt swallowed all the tiles from his Scrabble set. Doctors said the problem will work itself out, but not in so many words.
—From Man Walks into a Bar by Stephen Arnott and Mike Haskins (Ulysses Press)

Interesting Gifts

For Christmas, I gave my kid a BB gun. He gave me a sweater with a bull’s-eye on the back.

The Joy of Texting

Not everyone has mastered the art of texting. Case in point:

Mom: Stop at dollar store on way home and get lunch maggots.
Me: Lunch maggots?
Mom: Baffles.
Mom: Baggies.
Mom: Ziploc lunch Baggies.
Mom: Spell-check is not helping me.
Mom: By the way, this is Dad.

Knowing the Territory

It was my friend’s first camping trip with her husband, and they were lost. He tried all the usual tactics to determine direction—moss on the trees (there was none), direction of the sun (it was overcast), and so on. Just as she began to panic, he spotted a cabin in the distance. “This way,” he said as he led her back to their camp.

“How did you do that?” my friend asked.

“Simple. In this part of the country, the satellite dishes point south.”

No Labor Required

When my friend got a job, her husband agreed to share the housework. He was stunned by the amount of effort involved in keeping a house clean with small boys to pick up after, and insisted that he and his wife shop for a new vacuum cleaner.

The salesman gave them a demonstration of the latest model. “It comes equipped with all the newest features,” he assured them.

The husband was not convinced. “Don’t you have a riding one?” he asked

 


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