Posted by: braddenvillage | November 13, 2014

Humour in Print – Thanks to the Readers Digest

Humour in Print – Thanks to the Readers Digest

While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”

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Our Gen-X daughter, Cristie, made my husband a Father’s Day card entitled “Things My Dad Would Never Say.” Such as:

“Can you turn up that music?”

“Go ahead and take my truck. Here’s 50 bucks for gas.”

“I LOVE your tattoo. We should both get new ones.”

“Here, you take the remote.”

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Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid. Sure enough, my car overheated. Scolding myself for not listening to my father’s instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me. The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi. I finished the trip safely.
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The day I knew my in-laws had finally accepted me:

As we pulled into their driveway, my father-in-law was on the phone. “Oh, I have to run,” he told the person on the other end. “My daughter-in-law and her husband just arrived.”

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When I bought my new Lexus Sport Coupe, my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it.

A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, “It’s the wrong day!”

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The family was viewing old slides and one flashed on the screen that caught everyone’s attention. My father, wearing his favorite golf shirt, was holding me at the tender age of three weeks.

The look on his face told all. “There’s my prize possession,” my father said.

Touched, I smiled at him as he continued, “I wonder whatever happened to that golf shirt?”

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Why does moisture destroy leather? When it’s raining, cows don’t go up to the farmhouse yelling, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! We’re going to ruin the whole outfit here!”

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A bear walks into a bar and says, “I’d like a beer ……………. and some of those peanuts.”

The bartender says, “Sure, but why the big paws?”

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